Sunday 1st January 2012

How was 2011 for you? It was very much a mixed bad for me.  On the one hand I began the year with a sabbatical. I managed to do some writing, some work on the house, and lots of time for prayer. In April I came back to a very warm New Light  welcome  and almost immediately we were in Holy Week. Next We were into Pride month when we marched in the Washington DC parade and held our annual Pride service at THE LODGE.

Then everything went Pear shaped.  My father died in July, my friend and first partner David died in August, I lost another friend, Alan, that same month, and then found out that mom had pancreatic cancer. I managed to go and see mom in November, but was only back a few weeks when our much loved pussycat Wilma died from kidney failure.

I’ve suffered with depression for many years, so all of this was An extra hit. My weight rose from 230 to 250lbs and none of my clothes fit.

Those were the highlights. That was my pity party – Thanks for coming! But, the truth is, I mention all of these for two reasons. Firstly, if last year was rubbish for you too then I sympathize. Secondly, if last year was rubbish for you then I invite you to join me in making sure that 2012 is better.

This Saturday we begin the ‘10’ club, and I’m determined to lose those pounds I gained before the summer. Come and join me! It’s a chance to lose some weight, experience a deeper relationship with God, and help ensure that 2012 is a great deal healthier than 2011.

In march we have the New Light retreat. A whole weekend to renew your relationship with God. If you’ve forgotten what it is to be grounded in God, feel the security of love beneath your feet and the vastness of God’s Grace surrounding you, then come. I didn’t think I’d miss a being a part of a New light retreat in 2011, but I’m hungry for it now.

I know that there’s things we can’t plan for. There are unexpected events that take us by surprise. Life’s like that. But I’ve found that my hope lies in the One who loves me despite the mess I’m in. In fact, when I’m in such a mess the love feels deeper, the connection stronger, and my faith richer, simpler.

God’s not going to run my life for me. If I want to lose some weight then I have to make the effort. I have no doubt that God will help me in my efforts but the decision to change things is down to me. If I go on retreat the odds are that I’ll come away with a deeper and more profound connection to God. If I don’t then I won’t. My choice. Your choice.

To date God hasn’t healed me of my depression. I continue to take my medication and realize that there are going to be good days and bad days. Some days are bad because terrible things happen, and some are bad simply because I’m in the grip of an illness that causes me to see the world through dark and grimy glass. Some days are good because Good things happen. Some days are good simply because my brain chemistry seems to be right and I see the world through clear glass.

Next year there are going to be good days and bad days. However, I cope with the bad days a whole lot better when I feel like I’m in control of my own body and not spiraling in weight, just as I cope better when I’m grounded in the presence and Love of God.

I pray that 2012 be a good year for you. Good days, bad days, I pray that in them all you feel empowered enough to cope, and loved enough to not lose your joy. I pray that you choose to be blessed.

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